A decisive victory in the war on terror.

If you were worried that La Migra was so focused on keeping you from having to press 1 for English that they'd let any old terrorist come in across the 5,522 mile border with Canada, rest easy knowing that Uncle Sam has it all under control.

Yes, you can rest easy, knowing that the US will put the lives of Americans first. Keeping Paco from stealing jobs at Chrysler or Hodgie from blowing up the Renaissance center is worth delaying a mere Canadian's life-saving angioplasty.

And you can rest easy knowing that your Border Patrol is too smart to fall for dirty tricks like terrorists dressing up as firemen. Business owners counting on foreigners to put out fires must respond to the will of the people, despite long-standing local sanctuary "cross-border aid" policies.

Your tax dollars are hard at work, sending a message to Al Qaeda of Canada that we, in America, will never forget "9/11", and are always at the ready.

Nota Bene: I found out about the Anchorage Hotel fire from Randy Cassingham's This Is True, a listserv to which I've subscribed since the late '90s.

¡Por una Venezuela libre!

Few things are more irritating than foreigners with ill-informed opinions about one's homeland's domestic policy, for example, Europeans who look down their noses at Americans for not being sufficiently socialist, despite our better overall outcomes.

I'll risk hypocrisy in congratulating the people of Venezuela for standing up to socialist tyrant Hugo Chavez, overcoming the usual threats of reprisals to reject the constitutional amendments that would expand his control of the economy and make him President for Life.

Sorry Hugo, 51% of your people decided to have no bananas today. On the bright side, this means that in just a few years, you can retire to the paradise known as Cuba.